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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.