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Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.