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Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!