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I don`t care about your status...
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.