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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.