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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.