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Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.