Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.