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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.