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“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.