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I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."