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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…