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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.