Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
I make a great second impression.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.