Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.