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Iām trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?