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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.