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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?