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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Sweating is for people who do stuff.