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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Walmart needs observation decks.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
This day needs more yesterday.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”