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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.