Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.