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I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?