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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Are walruses just vampire manatees?