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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?