Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.