Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.