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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Girls just wanna have funds.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.