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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.