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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.