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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.