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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.