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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)