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I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
My favorite beer is the next one.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.