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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`