Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?