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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?