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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.