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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.