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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something