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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?