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Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.