Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what