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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!