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When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!