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I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.