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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.