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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.