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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.