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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.