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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.