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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.