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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.