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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
It’s a status….not your diary…