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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.