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Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.