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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?