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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!