Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
The future was so much cooler in the past.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.