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I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?