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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science