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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.