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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
i feel naked without my mobile !
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.