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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Save water, shower together.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of