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During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?