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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?