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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Iām in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.