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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Word for today: Dipshidiot
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.