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Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Tieam... problem solved
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.