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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....