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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"