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3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.