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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
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I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`