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Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?