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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.