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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?