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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.