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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
It`s no fun if you have permission.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.