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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.