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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.