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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today