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There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session