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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.