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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.