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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?