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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.