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If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.